Friday, 20 November 2015
We all have something or many things we fear. I am afraid of sharks and am certain that if I go into the ocean, a great white will find me. To handle this, I simply stay out of the ocean which is an easy solution. Avoidance of something you fear is not always possible. Panic overtakes me when I think of flying and travel is part of my life. If you are sitting next to me on a plane you will see me grasping a charm with my eyes closed and reciting a prayer for the first 15 minutes of the flight. My faith also helps me with my fears about my children getting hurt or making good decisions. As we get older we learn how to deal with our fears (or not) or to bury them very deep.
It is a different story for our children. Childhood fears are developmentally normal. In a way they help to keep children safe by causing them to avoid some dangerous situations. From a very young age children can be afraid of a broad range of things from darkness, toilets, monsters, being alone, animals, some movies, separation, strangers, bad dreams, to weather, to name a few.
All of my children have been afraid of things from germs to darkness to strangers. Our recent struggle is with our daughter who is afraid to go downstairs to her bedroom alone; even for a moment. I have to admit, I was beginning to get frustrated with her fear. I needed to get to the bottom of it so I sat down with her to have a conversation. She began by telling me she was afraid of scary things. Digging a little deeper, I discovered she was afraid of a bad person, a stranger in her room. She had seen a show on TV where this happened and had started to dream about it. Now she says she thinks about it whenever she is alone in her room and especially when it’s dark. That night when it was time for bed, we looked in closets, under beds, in the garage, and in the hall closet near her room. I showed her that there were no strangers in any of those places. We made sure there was a flashlight by her bed if she needs to come to me at night. I am hoping this will help her to overcome her fears but realize it may take time and more steps.
Here are some general steps to help your child with their fears:
- Acknowledge their fears are real. Do not tell them that monsters are not real or that there’s nothing to be afraid of in the dark. Tell them something about your own fears.
- Do not make them feel ashamed of their fears. If you discount their fears, they may shut down and not share with you. You do not want them to be embarrassed.
- Share stories of fairy tales or heroes. Read them an age appropriate book about characters who overcame their fears. (As a starting point, try looking at the chapter on courage in The Book of Virtue: A Treasury of Great Moral Stories, ISBN: 0-671-68306-3, since it contains some selections for different ages with good introductions to each selection.) Watch a movie together that deals with putting fears to rest, maybe Monsters, Inc.
- Be honest.
Friday, 7 November 2014
Carving time out for yourself is crucial when you have children. The other day I snuck in a matinee with a group of friends. Part of me felt guilty going to a movie while my children were at school but that quickly faded as the lights went down and my feet went up in the cushy recliner chair. We were seeing Gone Girl. I was very excited. I had read the book and couldnâ€™t wait to see what they had done with the movie. I was pleasantly surprised. Then I started thinking about my poor friends that didn’t read the book and did not know what they were in for wow. Its definitely a movie where you need to be in the right frame of mind when you sit down. The movie is a work of fiction but as I sat there I thought about how many people can probably relate at some level. Two young people meet and fall in love. They get married. Recession hits. They lose their jobs. Parent gets sick. They move home to care for parent. Parent ends up dying. Fast forward five years and they cannot stand each other. I will leave it here as not to spoil it for those who have not seen it.
I should probably clarify that I am happily married and not a psycho. Weve been married almost 13 years and we’ve been through a lot. We have struggled through custody battles, the birth of three children, the recession, job loss, aging parents, and starting a new company to name a few. Life is tough. Marriage is tough. We are not living in a bubble. It is important to find a way to continue to not only love each other but actually LIKE each other. We always joke that we used to be so much fun, what happened? Life happened. Its happening. In Gone Girl, the husband isn’t a bad guy and she isn’t awful in the beginning. Life just happens. Struggles will continue to present themselves. The secret is to keep remembering why you liked each other in the first place. Its not always easy. But there is always someone out there with a situation worse than your situation. Focus on the positive and work through the other stuff.
So thank you Gillian Flynn for yet another reminder that I love AND like my husband.
Friday, 31 October 2014
I hope you and your family enjoy these jokes as much as we did!
Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts.
What do witches put on their hair?
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Why did the witches cancel their baseball game?
They couldn’t find their bats.
How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle its funny bone.
Friday, 24 October 2014
There is a newer Halloween tradition called Halloween Boo or Booing. It is usually done in your neighborhood. It is similar in nature to the tradition of Secret Santa at Christmastime. It involves leaving a treat and a note saying, â€œYouâ€™ve Been Booâ€™dâ€ on a doorstep, ringing the doorbell, then running and hiding as fast as you can. When our family got booâ€™d last year I thought, â€œOh great, another thing I have to do.â€ Well, last year, I was a party pooper and did not participate. Things changed this year. After we were booâ€™d, the kids were so excited and wanted to spread Halloween cheer, so we did. And I have to say it was the most Iâ€™ve laughed in a long time. The kids sat down and picked four families that were a little outside of their inner circle of friends. They wanted it to spread through the entire neighborhood. They felt if they picked their friends, it would just keep circling. Â The kids took the booing very seriously. Â They huddled before we began Operation Boo. Â They were like stealth military operatives going through the neighborhood. Â I would stay a house or two away and they would sneak up, leave the treat, ring the doorbell and RUN!Â Â They had dogs barking at them, unhappy babysitters and a few tumbles into the bushes.Â Â All and all it was good, clean fun. If you want to start your own Halloween Boo, just follow these steps:
- Pick about 4 families.
- Pick a treat to deliver. It could be candy, cookies, pumpkin breadâ€¦get creative. Our family chose a box of BooBerry cereal.
- Download or create a Boo gram. There are thousands to chose from online.
- Deliver, ring doorbell and RUN!
Please like this post if you have ever been BOOâ€™D!
Friday, 3 October 2014
Get ready moms! I am going to let you in on my new favorite websiteâ€¦gatheredtable.com. I want to take you back a month to where I talked about the importance of family dinners. I was trying to take some pressure off myself by stressing the importance of sitting down together, not making a gourmet meal from scratch. Gatheredtable.com is a website that helps you provide both!Â Â There are countless websites out there that put together menu plans but in my opinion, this is the cream of the crop. It allows you to create a profile with not only how many people you are cooking for but also how many adults and how many children. It also lets you input food allergies, food aversions, and gives you the ability to rate meal options on a scale of how much you like them.
Iâ€™ve been using the website for about three weeks now and have made some great new recipes. These recipes were not only delicious but also easy to make. Our dinners have included Bolognese sauce with pasta, teriyaki fried rice, minestrone soup, baked ziti with sausage to name a few.Â Â The website can pair all main courses with a carb side, a veggie side and a dessert.Â Â You get a weekly menu that you can edit and the best part is the shopping list it comes with. Grocery listâ€¦check!
This site also allows you to add your familyâ€™s favorite recipes. You can manually add them or use my favorite feature, the web clipper. This web clipper allows you to â€œclipâ€ your recipes from a website and then it dumps them into your menu preferences. This is an absolute must do to make sure that you get the most out of the site.
My life is simpler because I always know what is for dinner. I am much more relaxed at dinnertime. The shopping list is set or you may add the rest of your shopping needs to it. This makes visits to the grocery store less frequent and Iâ€™ve also saved money by not buying extras.
Iâ€™ve actually been setting the table and weâ€™ve been sitting down to real conversations. After we take turns sharing our daily highs and lows, the conversation gets interesting. Bob brought up the subject of hobos the other night. Eva said that he should call them homeless because hobo was not a nice word. Then she added that he didnâ€™t even know what a hobo was. Bob quickly responded with a yes he did, â€œItâ€™s a man without a wife!â€
Please join gatheredtable.com right now. Itâ€™s free and it takes less than 2 minutes to get started. You will be amazed how much stress is lifted when you know whatâ€™s for dinner.
Friday, 26 September 2014
We were in the first full week of school. I was excited to begin my organizing project.Â Â Just when I was about to start, I received a phone call from the school that my 5th grader was sick and needed to come home.Â Â I remembered that she told me she didnâ€™t feel well the night before and then again the next morning so I dropped everything and went to pick her up. As soon as she got into my car, she seemed a little better. She said it was a stomachache and a headache. That was understandable. Weâ€™ve had abnormally warm and humid weather and our schedules are back in full school time swing. I took her home to rest, not thinking much more about it.
When bedtime came, I sat down on her bed for a goodnight kiss and she just unloaded. The tears began to flow and she told me she wanted to be homeschooled.Â Â She loves her teacher and is excited for everything she will learn this year but doesnâ€™t like recess and lunch. She said that she doesnâ€™t like them so much that she gets a stomachache when she even thinks about it. She said that nobody was being mean to her but she just didnâ€™t fit in. This broke my heart because she is a happy, kind and caring girl. She is the daughter who wakes up happy and always sees the good in people and situations.
Once we ruled out homeschooling as an option (no way this mama could do that) we began to come up with ideas on how to handle lunch and recess. She is much like me. She is shy, quiet (until she gets to know you), and a rule follower. We talked about learning a new joke to share with friends. We talked about volunteering for lunch duty with the kindergarten class. We talked about practicing piano in the music room. We talked about taking a soccer ball to school to practice juggling. After our conservation, she felt better but STILL wanted me to talk to her teacher about getting off the playground during lunch and recess. So I made the appointment.
A few days later, she came home and told me to cancel the appointment. She had worked out the problem on her own. She decided to just walk up to her peers and start a conversation. She put herself out there. Everyone was kind. She was happy. And I was relieved.
Kids need to learn how to make friends. We are a social society. We did all the â€œrightâ€ things to socialize our daughter. We joined a playgroup when she was 6 months old, she did three years of preschool, and she played sports in our community programs. How do you give them confidence to make friends? When they are miserable at school, how far do you let it go before you get involved? When do you contact the teacher?
Please share your thoughts and stories.
Friday, 19 September 2014
Itâ€™s been a little over a year since we struggled with the decision. Should we start our son in kindergarten at 5 years old or wait until he is 6 years old? We decided to wait. There were many factors and questions that went into the debate:
- Will he be bored in preschool?
- Will he become a bully on the preschool playground?
- How will he feel if some of his friends start kindergarten before he does?
- Wouldnâ€™t our lives be so much simpler with all three kids at one school?
We spoke with academic professionals and they said he would be fine either way. We spoke with friends that had chosen to enroll their children at 5 years old and 100% of the people we spoke with said they would do it differently. In the end, we realized that you couldnâ€™t get that year back. Bob and I had one last great year of slow mornings and lazy afternoons. These times were greatly appreciated by both of us since he is the youngest in the family. It was nice to have this special time together.
Iâ€™ve been volunteering in Bobâ€™s art class at school this year and can really see the benefits of the extra year. He is neither ahead nor behind academically but appears to be somewhere in the middle. Many of the strengths I see from the extra year of preschool are social. He makes friends easily, he has no separation anxiety, he is kind and considerate with his peers and he raises his hand to participate.
The Wall Street Journal recently published an essay entitled â€œShould Children Be Held Back From Starting Kindergarten,â€
that brings up some interesting points. They call what we did academic redshirting. â€œRedshirtingâ€ is a term associated with holding kids back for sports. We did not â€œredshirtâ€ our son. We gave him one extra year to have more time with the family and grow socially. After reading the article, we still stand with confidence in our decision. After all, each child is different and a parent should do what is best for its child. This is not a one size fits all world.
At what age did your son or daughter start kindergarten? Â Did you see a difference either academically or socially? Â Please share your story.
Friday, 12 September 2014
We recently attended a memorial service for a friend and neighbor that passed away in a tragic accident in July.Â Â He left his wife and two children way to soon. There is no way to understand why things like this happen. It is difficult for adults to understand so how can we explain this to our children?
The memorial service was a stellar tribute to a great family man. He was a very successful businessman among many other things but the common theme was that his family came first. Many of his friends and family stood up to speak about him but the most moving was his 9-year-old daughter.Â Â She spoke with poise, elegance and a bit of humor. As we sat there and wiped the tears from our eyes, I realized that she was not crying. She was strong. She was resilient. I know that she misses her Dad more than words can express. I am certain there will be times when she is overcome with sadness but the strength of character that her father and mother are instilling in her are evident. She will not only survive but also thrive.
As a family, we have been inspired to spend more time together, we hug and kiss more, we say â€I love youâ€ more. Â My message to you today is to go home and hug your husband, your wife, and your children. Family isÂ really all that is important.
Friday, 5 September 2014
I always get so excited for back to school. The kids are learning new things and I always like to challenge myself with something new too. This year, I am working on creating good habits. My newest challenge is training for a half marathon. This is funny because I am not even a runner! I am starting from scratch! I was inspired by my sister in law, Beth, and my friend and training partner, Heatherâ€¦ thank you ladies! What I love about the training is the training app on my iPhone. Â When I wake up everyday it tells me what to do.Â Â Now that I have told the whole world, I hope I can make it!
My second challenge for the month of September is organization. I am a very organized person but every summer things go wild. All the closets need to be tackled, my desk and files are a wreck and my to do list is about a mile long. I am planning to spend a little time each day organizing. Â I hope to be finished by September 30, after several trash bins are filled up and many runs are made to the donation drop. Each week I am going to focus on one area. Next week I will begin with my desk and files. This is going to be a big project. Wish me luck!
What are your goals for back to school month?
Friday, 29 August 2014
I came across a quote from Ronald Reagan that I wanted to share with you.
â€œAll great change in America begins at the dinner table.â€
I love this quote and I am a big believer in family dinners. Today there is so much written about the importance of sitting down at the table and eating together as a family. It is a constant challenge in our home with my husbandâ€™s work and travel schedule and the childrenâ€™s sports and activities.
I grew up in a very busy household with two parents who worked fulltime and sometimes beyond.Â Â My brother and I played sports among a list of many other activities. The funny thing is that I donâ€™t remember NOT eating together at the table. Many times it was crockpot meals or casseroles or sometimes it was even eating the $5 papa platter special at Papa Ginoâ€™s but we always sat down together.
Last week I stated in my post that one of my personal goals this school year is to make delicious dinners for my family. I am not abandoning this goal but I am going to take a little pressure off myself. Dinner doesnâ€™t have to be a gourmet meal every night. It can be simple. It can be soup and salad, take out, or a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store. The most important thing is to set the table, sit down and eat as a family.
If my mom could do it working full time, I can certainly do it as a stay at home mom. I remember making fun of my mom because she spent so much time cooking and freezing on the weekends. Now I know it was her planning that made our family dinners possible. I am going to accomplish this by scheduling just three to five nights a week when everyone can sit down together. Hopefully this will be one of the habits my children will carry on as adults.
I challenge all of you to sit down together this new school year. Letâ€™s see where it takes us.