Monday, 22 July 2013

A Must Read — The Invisible Mother

A good friend of mine shared this story with me today and it hit home.  I want to place it somewhere that I can read it regularly.

I hope you enjoy it.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’

Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? 

Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’

Some days I’m a crystal ball; ‘Where’s my other sock? Where’s my phone?, What’s for dinner?’

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, and she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’

In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. 

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’ 

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was Almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.
No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. 

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he’d say, ‘You’re gonna love it there…’ 

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

—Anonymous

Monday, 22 July 2013

How Do We Help Our Kids Develop Friendships?

Friendship is a wonderful thing.   From infancy through adulthood, our children will have many friends.  Some will be friends forever and some will come in and out of our lives.  All of these relationships are important.

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Here are some key points to share with your child on how to be a good friend.

 

  • Model good friend behavior – It’s the same old story…our children watch what we do.  Be a good friend.  Bring a sick friend dinner, help an elderly neighbor carry in groceries, bring a friend that needs some cheering up a flower.  Random acts of kindness go a long way in friendship.
  • Be Yourself – Be the best you that you can be.  Do not change who you are to be like your friend.  If your friend doesn’t like you how you are, they are not a friend.
  • Invite friends to your house – As a parent, this is a great way to not only get to know your children’s friends but to help young children learn how to play together.  It’s a good idea to speak with your child ahead of time and come up with some ideas of what to play.  Also, sharing often becomes an issue with young children.  I talk to my children about sharing and then ask them if there are any toys they do not want to share before the play date.  If there are toys they don’t want to share, I hide them away during the play date.
  • Help young children work through differences – Young children will have limited skills to work through problems.  You need to teach them to remain calm.  I tell my children to find an adult to help with the problem before it escalates to something physical like hitting or biting.  This isn’t always possible.   Do not be embarrassed if your child is the one that bites or hits.  This will happen and has happened to many of us.  Address it immediately with your child.
  • Be Friendly  - Always be friendly and say hello to people.  Keep a smile on your face.  It is amazing how a smile and a hello will just make people smile.
  • Be Loyal – Be a true blue friend.  Be there for your friend when they need you and do not gossip.  If your friend tells you something in confidence, that is as far as it should go (unless your friend is in trouble and you need to tell an adult.)
  • Be Positive – We all know it is much more fun to spend time with happy people then sad or angry people.  Encourage your child to be happy and not sweat the small stuff.

 

I asked my children what it means to be a good friend and here is what they said,

My four year old says, “You don’t be mean.”

My seven year old says, “To play with them and be nice to them.”

My nine year old says, “By putting effort in and including everyone and being nice.”

How do you help your children be a good friend?

 

Friday, 19 July 2013

Is It Better to Have a Best Friend or Encourage Your Child to Be a Friend to All?

The topic of friendship has come up recently in my own group of friends.  I was surprised at the different thoughts and values we put on friendship.  Growing up I had a very few close friends and only one best friend.  I can tell you exactly when we became best friends.  We were in the fourth grade and my friend came to my house for a sleepover one night and didn’t leave for four days!  This was the beginning of our “best friendship.”  We had many laughs and secrets over the years that I will always hold close to my heart.  To this day, we still connect via email but are on opposite sides of the US.   Since my first best friend, I’ve had a few other women who I have considered a “best friend” over the years.  For me, it was always only a very few best friends at a time.   These are treasured relationships.

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I believe that in recent years the term “best friend” has lost its true meaning.  When you look best friend up in the dictionary there is no definition.  It leads you to boon companion; which means an intimate or close friend.  I feel there are many levels of friendship and they are all important.  What concerns me is the overuse of the phrase best friend.  We are living in a world now where we want everything to be fair and equal.  We worry so much about hurting people’s feelings that we call everyone our best friend.  I think this takes away from the true meaning of the phrase.   I am not saying we shouldn’t have many friends.  I believe in being a friend to all.  Personally, I will hold dear the phrase “best friend” and will teach my children the same.

 

Friendships begin at birth.  As parents, we join parent groups, or gym classes and the children of the parents we connect with become our children’s friends.  As our children grow, they will slowly start to make decisions on which friends they want to spend time with based on common interests.  My four-year old son, all of a sudden doesn’t want to play with girls.  For years, many of his friends were girls. Recently, my seven-year old came to me and said that she really didn’t have anything in common with her best friend anymore.  I was impressed with her observation.  I did tell her the story of my first best friend.  There is a significance about a first best friend.  My first best friend and I have gone in different directions in life and have many different interests now and are separated by geography.  That being said, I still consider her a very close friend.  No matter the amount of time that passes, we can always pick up where we left off.  I want my daughter to know that her best friend will be a friend for life regardless of their different interests.  It is also very important to be able to appreciate the differences in each other.

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Today and forever, it is my dear husband who is my best friend, my boon companion.  I have a few very close friends I rely on constantly for support and many laughs and then many friends who I enjoy.  But I will save the title “best friend” for my husband.

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There are countless books out there on friendship.  Please read to your child about friendship.  Please teach your child the Golden Rule; treat others how you want to be treated. In the end, friendship is a very important part of our life from the beginning.  Everyone needs friendships at all levels in their life.  Later in life our friends become our sanity and our safe haven.  Help your child learn how to build a solid friendship.

 

 

And please do not misuse or overuse the term “best friend” with your children.

Thursday, 11 July 2013

Happy Birthday to me! The Birthday Extravaganza!

I love birthdays.  I feel they are important and should be celebrated at every age.  It is the one-day a year each person gets to feel special.  My husband doesn’t share the same school of thought on birthdays; at least not with adult birthdays.  This year he asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday and I told him I just wanted to go to a nice dinner with our family.  He called and made a reservation at our favorite fancy spot.   I was thrilled.  I suggested we take a taxi so that we could have a glass (or two) of wine.  Well, he surprised me with a limo and two-dozen roses!

The kids were so well behaved at dinner and I was a proud mama!   After dinner, the surprise continued as he dropped me off at a friend’s house for a night cap and he took our kids and my friend’s kids to the candy store in the limo.  The next morning, our four year old walked into our bedroom and said, “I had a dream last night, that I went to the Candy Baron, in a limo!”

We had so much fun and I will cherish the memories of that night forever.

What was your best adult birthday celebration since parenthood?

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Tuesday, 9 July 2013

How Do We Save Ourselves From An Overscheduled Summer?

Well, this is embarrassing.  It has been many months since I have written a post.  So much as happened in my life since my last post several months ago…birthdays, school plays, award ceremonies, sporting events, work events and so on.  If you have school age children, you get it.

As our last day of school approached on June 14, I was very excited to have some slow summer days.  I wanted days where we could sleep past 6:00am.  I wanted days where I could make pancakes (from scratch) for the kids.  I wanted days where I didn’t need to get in my car.  I dreamed of these slow days.  I dreamed of taking the free trolley around our beach town instead of my car.  As I sat down to plan the summer, I wanted a balance of fun activities and camps for the kids and some down time.

The first week of summer was fantastic.  We slept in, went several days without getting in the car, we had big breakfasts and lazy beach days.  My nine-year-old daughter even finished one of her required summer reading books in the first week.  This was starting out to be the summer I had envisioned.

Then came week two.  Everything changed.  We had been lucky because we got a jumpstart on our summer.   What changed with week two was now all the schools in the area were on summer vacation.  And at 4, 7, and 9 years old, my children already want to be with their friends non-stop.  They are little social butterflies.  The week brought a mix of summer camp, swim team and a constant revolving door of children in and out of the house.  I am not one of those people that embrace the chaos.  Don’t get me wrong, I do love that my children have friends and I do love that they all feel so comfortable at our house and I do LOVE having them at my house.  It’s just that it doesn’t come naturally to me.  I just need a little quiet here and there.  This is something I personally want to tackle this summer….embracing the chaos.

Week three brought more changes.  I decided to dial it back a little bit.  I wanted to go back to our slow mornings.  I decided the kids would not participate in the morning camp in our neighborhood.  Well, if you look at the photo below, you will see that idea did not work as planned.   When the summer camp meets at the public green across the street from your house, it’s a little challenging.

I am making a resolution to get back on the blogging wagon so look for many more of our summer adventures soon.

I would love to hear your ideas.  What plans do you have for your children and family this summer?

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Friday, 19 April 2013

The Importance of Involving your Young Children in Household Duties

Our children have responsibilities around our home and understand that they need
to do these items because they are part of the family. Just because they know that
they have to do them doesn’t make them whine any less. So we do pay them. Over
the years payment the form of payment has changed. In the beginning, all that was
needed were words of praise. Then it moved to stickers, then small toys and now
for the older children, we are onto money. I’ve learned that the key is finding what
motivates your children. And often it is different things with each child. Right now,
my older children are motivated by money. With my youngest, screen time appears
to be the big motivator. It is also important to change up the duties. A new task can
be exciting to children.

You can begin this process of involvement from the time they are infants. When
you are folding laundry or grocery shopping, you can talk to them about what you
are doing. Talking to them helps them to feel involved and you will be amazed how
much they learn from listening to you and watching you. Next thing you know you
will have your 18 month old helping you sort the clothes by color and switching
the laundry from the washer to the dryer. Then comes folding the towels at 3 or 4
and so on. Another great task is to let your children make their own beds. This can
be frustrating because in the beginning, they usually look like a mess. Whatever
you do, do not remake the bed. They are doing their best and you don’t want to
discourage them.

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The last two weekends in our house have involved some small house projects. My
4 year old son helped my husband take down all the towel bars in the house that
needed to be replaced and fill all the holes with Spackle. He was truly enjoying the
time with Dad and getting to use the screwdriver. The next weekend he was asking
what was on their list was for the day and when can they get started.

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The bottom line is that you need to have your children help with the household
chores. Not only does it teach them how to do the actual tasks, it also gives them a
great sense of accomplishment and pride. In the beginning things move slower and
can be a little frustrating but it will pay off in spades in the end.

What chores do your young children do around the house? What do you use for
motivators?

 - Sarah

Thursday, 18 April 2013

Stomach flu, and LICE and work, OH MY!

Well if you read my post right before spring break, you saw the potentially large
list of fun our family was going to have over the spring break holiday. But things
don’t always happen as you plan. The break began with one daughter home
from school on the last day before vacation (yes, my last day to get things done
without my entourage.) This is the same day that my husband returned from
his long three-week business trip. The next day another daughter came down
with the flu that resulted in two solid days on the couch. Rejoice! It was Easter
Sunday! Only it was not so joyful for me. I ended up in bed all day with the
flu. My wonderful husband rose to the occasion and had a great day with the
children. Two days later we were all feeling better and ready to pack in as much
fun as possible. And then. LICE. That set us back another two days by the time
I scrubbed my house from top-to-bottom and laundered everything in the house.
This left us with four days for fun!

The next four days we really did try to pack in the fun. We had a sleepover, a
trip to the local shopping mall, lunch out at California Pizza Kitchen, outing to a
trampoline house, another lunch out at Chili’s, a soccer game, a movie night, a
family tennis game, a day at the beach and finally Sunday brunch at one of our
favorite local hotels.

The vacation did not turn out how I had planned it but in the end we had a great
time. We all caught up on some long needed rest. We spend a lot of family
bonding time together. While my husband worked the whole week, he was home
for dinner every night and put our son to bed every night.

Life gets so busy. I think our week was a higher power telling us we needed to
slow down. And I appreciate that.

- Sarah

Friday, 29 March 2013

The Spring Break Bucket List – Kids vs Mom

We decided this Spring to have a Staycation. I was a little worried that the kids would be disappointed since their friends are jet-setting to places like Hawaii, Mexico and Spain to name a few.  My husband will be return from a three-week trip around the world days before Easter and I am exhausted from being the taxi driver to two different schools, numerous sports practices and games, endless birthday parties and all the other rewarding mom duties.  Needless to say, the entire family is over scheduled and exhausted. Much to my surprise, when I told the kids we were staying home, they were excited. This was a relief. Now every mom knows that a day or two of down time is great and then the kids start to get a little wiggly. So in an effort to be prepared, I sat down and made the list of things I wanted to do over the break. Then I gathered the children and asked them to do the same.

Here is the Kid’s list:

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Here is the Mom’s list:

Clean out all closets – take items directly to Goodwill
Spring Cleaning from ceiling to baseboards
Sleep until we wake up – yes, no alarm clock
Family walk with the dog on the beach everyday
Read AT LEAST one book
Watch a “grown up” movie
Go on a date with my husband
Organize all my desk files
Walk a mile downtown with the family and have lunch
Go two days without getting in my car
Be physically active as a family everyday
See an old friend

When I look at these lists I don’t see many commonalities. I was happy to see some
items on their list included spending time together and minimal funds. The one
thing I did notice is that we all wrote down exactly what we wanted to do. My goal
is now to combine these lists over our ten-day vacation and try to end the vacation
in a somewhat restful state.

Please share with us your Spring break plans.

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Saucy Sarah’s Recipe Share – Spanish Rice from MAD HUNGRY

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Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Mommy Brain *!&**!!**LOL#!**

Do you have a Mommy Brain?

Last week my sister in law was in town and we were driving my son to preschool. It
was a very busy morning and I was rushing around. We took my husband’s car and that
is something I rarely do. On the drive to school, I was sharing a story with my sister in
law about a time two summers ago when I lost my phone. It was a busy summer day
and I was packing all the kids for an afternoon swim meet. I checked my list and we had
everything so we loaded into my husband’s car. I felt good. I actually had everything
and we were going to be on time! When we got to the swim meet I panicked because I
could not find my phone. My husband was in China and I knew he would be calling soon
and I hate missing his calls. I was certain I had it with me. I remembered grabbing it off
the kitchen counter on the way out the door. I searched the car. I searched all the swim
bags. I borrowed a friend’s phone to call my phone. Nothing. No phone.

About four hours later on this beautiful hot summer day, the swim meet was over. We
packed up our gear and headed to the car. When I was loading all the kids and gear back
into the car, I found my phone! It was on the roof of the car. I must’ve set it down when
I was buckling the kids into their car seats. By some miracle, I drove 10 miles to the
swim meet and it did not fall off the car. I was so happy! And I felt very lucky!

Going back to today, my sister and law and I get to the preschool and walk my son into
his classroom. On the way back out to the car, my sister in law bursts into hysterical
laughter. I don’t understand what is so funny and then I see it. My phone. It’s on the
roof or the car AGAIN! Well, having just told the story of what happened two years ago,
we laughed for a solid 5 minutes. I was feeling extremely lucky!

As moms, we have all been there.

Please share your best Mommy Brain story today.

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